Jay-Z may have 99 problems, but winning over Glastonbury fans ain't one. The New York rapper, headlining the annual mud'n'music fest this past weekend, responded to comments by Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher (who famously said this spring, "I'm not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong.") by, well, taking a page from the Brit rocker's music book. Strapping on a guitar wasn't the weapon of choice for Amy Winehouse; when an audience member grabbed at her beehive, the recently-hospitalized singer threw a punch. Her violent response was not sanctioned by Nelson Mandela, we're guessing, although he may have a soft spot for "Blake Incarcerated." And while Jennifer Aniston had her own personal paparazzi moment this weekend, when she was spotted snapping photos of her rocker boyfriend John Mayer performing in London on Saturday night, she was not the shutterbug who captured Winehouse's Glastonbury altercation on film. Let's hope that Beyonce passed along some sage advice to Winehouse while the two singers cheered from the VIP section during Jay-Z's set.

After a much-publicized collapse and hospitalization last week, Mitch Winehouse set the record straight on what's ailing his daughter Amy. As reported by People.com, the singer has emphysema — and it could turn life-threatening if she doesn't clean up her act. "With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up," Winehouse says, adding, "The doctors have told her if she goes back to smoking drugs it won't just ruin her voice, it will kill her."

Despite this dour prognosis, the gossip column regular is hoping to still make it to Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party this weekend, where she is scheduled to perform. This follows a rather hectic month for Winehouse, in which she was arrested, and then released on bail, for suspicion of drug use. And while Winehouse the singer may have to cancel her upcoming gigs, Winehouse the muse is seeing the fruits of her labor; Chanel's pre-fall Métiers d'Art collection, inspired by the songstress' oft-imitated personal style, arrives in stores this month, and a dance piece choreographed by Nicholas Leichter, which incorporates her neo-soul songs, premieres this week. If there is anyone who can make Winehouse go clean, it's Mandela; if the man can get South Africa through apartheid, surely he can make this Brit drop a nasty addiction.

But like not in a good way. Like, in the genuinely unhealthy, psycho kind of way.

Cuz it turns out Amy Winehouse's "skin disease" wasn't really the cause of her swelled up cheek.

It was her cigarette!

Supposedly Amy was dining with pals at London eatery last week when a waitress who treated her like a normal human being - rather than a spoiled celebrity - sent her into a self-harming episode.

After being asked three times to put out her cigarette, Amy responded by staring directly into the waitress's eye and pushed the burning tip of the cigarette into her own face.

"She hardly flinched because she was so high. The whole place was open-mouthed in horror," a witness told The Sun.

"She was so out of it that she didn't feel the pain - everyone else looked completely stunned. The waitress covered her mouth in shock and just walked off to tell the manager. It was a shocking sight."

Since using her cheek as an ashtray, Amy's wound has become infected, her foundation has done little to conceal it, and her PR agent is obviously busy doing damage control.

Hence the story earlier this week that Amy was "on antibiotics" to treat the "highly contagious disease impetigo." And today's report that "a celebrity skin expert has urged Amy to seek a second opinion for her swollen cheek, fearing she has something far worse than impetigo."

Hells yeah it's far worse than impetigo... But it's going to take more than a really good skin doctor to fix!

A recent miscarriage, break up with rocker boyfriend Ed Simons, and flopped ratings for her new British TV talk show "Lily and Friends" have apparently put Lily Allen under.

And rather than pumping herself full of coke, crack, or heroin to soften the blow (as seems to be the British trend), Lily has checked herself into a a residential clinic in the UK, where a pal tells The Sun she "is responding well to treatment" for depression.

The pop singer has admittedly been "miserable" for a while now, and she says leaving London's party scene has left her feeling "sad and lonely." She tells Glamour magazine:

"If you're young, living in London and working in this industry, unless you drink and take a lot of drugs there's not much to do. I don't want to be doing that so, as a result, I've been sitting on my own watching TV.

"It's boring to go out if everyone else is taking cocaine and shouting at me."

But, of course, Lily's only human. She still likes to get trashed sometimes. "Once I've had two cocktails I want more ... I don't see the point of drinking one glass of wine if you're not going to get slaughtered," she says.

It probably doesn't help Lily's mood that anytime she does go out drinking, a train of paparazzi go with her ... and do things like, she claims, vandalize her car.

Check out the footage of Lily discovering her brand new BMW after clubbing in London last week.

Are the British paps more fierce than the American ones?!

Yes, that's the daily shopping limit Lindsay Lohan has given herself to keep from going bankrupt.

It's also how much Amy Winehouse spends to support her flamboyant drug habit, according to Blake Fielder-Civil.

The junkie husband, who is currently behind bars in England for assault and trial-fixing, told News of The World that being off drugs in prison "has saved" him and made him realize how drugs "destroyed" him and "the loving, happy woman I married." He says:

"We were spending 500 pounds a day on drugs and were taking cocaine, heroin-and yes, crack-together."

"We were like the Living Dead."

"We then got into self-harm to relieve the pain."

"In my eyes Amy is beautiful. But she looks dishevelled and I must admit I wasn't keen on her dyed blonde hair at all."

"She is thin, she is bulimic and she looks ill. Bulimia is deadly in itself and I've tried without success to make her eat properly."

"I even threatened her with divorce because I thought it would be the only thing to make her see sense."

"I dread my cell door being opened and the chaplain informing me, 'Amy's dead.' "

I have to applaud Blake for one very profound insight: "I must admit I wasn't keen on her dyed blonde hair at all" . . . the only funny part in all this serious drug biz-ness!

Blake went on to say he "hates" Amy's father, "The Fat Controller", for blaming Amy's drug problem on Blake and for living off of his daughter's payroll. A tad hypocritical, considering the thousands Blake "I am suddenly the-perfect-husband" is likely being paid to whore out his relationship, but whatever.

So the question is: did Amy only say "yes" to rehab last week to cover her behind for that crack-smoking video, or does she really want help??