Danny Butterman: Bring the noise!
[turns siren on]

Simon Skinner, Nicholas Angel: SWAN!

[after having been shot]
Reverend Philip Shooter: Jesus Christ!

Joyce Cooper: FASCIST!
Nicholas Angel: Hag!

Nicholas Angel: [shouting] Have you ever wondered why, why the crime rate in Sandford is so low, yet the accident rate is so high?

Nicholas Angel: Skid marks!

Danny Butterman: By the power of Greyskull!

PC Doris Thatcher: What makes you think it was murrderr?

Nicholas Angel: Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!

Various: SWAN!

Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto.

Nicholas Angel: I may not be a religious man Reverend, but I know right and I know wrong and I have the good grace to know which is which.
Reverend Philip Shooter: Oh, fuck off, grasshopper.

DS Andy Wainwright: You wanna be a big cop in a small town? Fuck off down the model village.

[while holding a ginger-haired boy hostage]
Simon Skinner: Stop, or the ginger-nut gets it!

Nicholas Angel: And are they as big as he is?
Danny Butterman: Who?
Nicholas Angel: The mum and the sister?
Danny Butterman: Same person.

[repeated line]
Danny Butterman: Pub?

[repeated line]
Danny Butterman: Want anything from the shop?

[Doris knocks down a female shop assistant with a yellow "Slippery floor" sign]
DS Andy Wainwright: Nice one, Doris.
PC Doris Thatcher: Nothing like a bit of girl on girl!

Simon Skinner: I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!

[repeated line]
Michael: Yarp.

[Skinner is explaining why the NWA had Martin Blower murdered]
Simon Skinner: He was simply an appalling actor.
Nicholas Angel: You murdered him for that?
Simon Skinner: Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare!
Nicholas Angel: What? [realizing] Oh yeah.

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I have.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: No!

Nicholas Angel: Shit just got real!

Nicholas Angel: [Sitting up in bed, on the phone] "Decaffeinated?"

Simon Skinner: [Mr. Skinner has had his chin impaled on a miniature church spire] Ow! Thish really hurtsh...

Dr. Robin Hatcher: I brought you into this world, Danny. It seems fit I should take you out of it!

[indicating the CCTV footage that will act as his alibi]
Simon Skinner: [smiling] Feel free to spool through!
[Skinner pulls a pose identical to the one in a photo on the wall behind him]

Narrator: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born and schooled in London, graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great aptitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical course work and final year examinations. Received a Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. He became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day, he holds the Met record for the hundred meter dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

Simon Skinner: [on walkie-talkie after Angel has knocked out Michael] Michael, are you there?
Nicholas Angel: Yarp...
Simon Skinner: Has Sergeant Angel been taken care of?
Nicholas Angel: Yarp...
Simon Skinner: Is he going to get up anymore?
Nicholas Angel: [Thinks for a while]... Narp?
Simon Skinner: Good, proceed to the castle.

Nicholas Angel: Ow! You cheeky fucker!

PC Doris Thatcher: Oh, I dunno. I quite like a little midnight gobble. Haha!
PC Bob Walker: ...cocks.

Simon Skinner: My, my, here come the Fuzz.